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Ch…ch…ch…ch…CHANGES…

Written by Amy Banocy

March 1, 2021

Chemo, medical oncologist, radiation…. words I never thought I’d have to have conversations about. You know that moment, when you wake up from a really vivid bad dream and you’re shaken up because it seemed so real, and then you realize it isn’t real and you feel so much better? 

I keep waiting for that moment. I keep waiting to wake up and realize this is all just a bad dream. A very bad dream. But, it’s not. It’s reality. So, instead, I will move forward along this path, with as much courage and optimism as I can.

I WILL CARRY A WARRIOR MINDSET!

What I thought would be a lumpectomy, became a bilateral mastectomy. 

I thought that would be the end of this. Take my boobs and take the cancer. 

We are headed down a different journey. One that will be longer and more challenging. 

Pathology reports showed that what we initially hoped was all DCIS (meaning the cancer was contained to the ducts), was more than that. There was a lot of DCIS and unfortunately, also some cancer that had left the ducts, meaning there was now invasive cancer in my left breast and also in both of the left lymph nodes that were taken. 

Thankfully, the right breast came back all clean. 

I will be heading down the path we hoped we would not come to… chemotherapy, additional targeted IV therapy for HER2+, as well as radiation. Somewhere in there, I will hopefully have the reconstruction surgery I’m wanting. We have appointments this week, which will give us more info and a better timeline for what it all looks like. 

This is not the life I chose. This is the life chosen for me. To some that may sound crazy. To me, it brings a level of comfort and peace. Yes, this is hard. Very hard. Probably the hardest thing I have been through. I have days when all I want to do is cry. 

That said, I have faith that this difficult path will lead to something beautiful. I believe there is a purpose, even though I struggle most days to understand what it could be. I will rely on my trust and faith in the Universe, as well my optimism, meditation and community to travel this bumpy road. 

In all of it, I am so incredibly grateful for my army of supporters! You all have shown up in a big way and I am so thankful for you. Thank you for the messages, texts, cards, gifts, meals, gift cards, flowers, all of it!!! Keep sending lots of positive, healing energy my way. I can feel your love surrounding me, and it is what gets me through most days.

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