After a WONDERFUL time with my sis in St Michaels, I got punched in the gut, with one hell of a stomach virus that came on early Saturday morning. It got so bad, and I was so weak I could barely stand, we headed to the ER. After 7 hours of blood work, meds, CT scan, ultrasound, fluids, and care from AMAZING nurses, the doc agreed that it was likely a nasty virus and sent me home.

I was so upset that this was how I was feeling LEADING UP to chemo, knowing I would likely feel the same AFTER chemo, in just a few days. What luck?!?! All I could do the past few days has been sleep and drink water. My body hurt, my joints hurt, my stomach was upset…all.the.yucky.things.

I know I was granted this extra non-chemo week and getting away was such a treat. I know that I could be happy enough with that. Don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful for it. But yesterday, when Derek asked me how I was feeling, I broke down. I cried and whined that it just isn’t fair, dammit!

Today, like every Monday of a chemo week, I went to the oncologist’s office for a check up and pre-chemo labs to make sure all my blood work is ok for Wednesday’s chemo.

The labs showed that my white blood cell count is way too low to receive chemo on Wednesday (not surprising b/c of this virus).

Yes, you read that right. I will not be having chemo on my birthday! (What a fucking roller coaster, right?!?!?)

I’ll be receiving IV fluids tomorrow, hopefully start eating and feeling better and will return for labs Monday and chemo Wednesday 5/12.

As happy as I am about not being in the chemo chair on my bday (SO HAPPY!!!), there are naturally, more feelings and thoughts running through my mind too…..

The obvious, nobody wants low WBC.

I’ll now be going 5 weeks since my last treatment, rather than 3. How might this affect the course of treatment? Will it be as effective?

What if this extended break is giving the cancer more time to grow or spread?In these moments, I am reminded of what I so often tell others and have shared here as well…

FEAR AND WORRYING AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

HAVE FAITH.

THE UNIVERSE HAS YOUR BACK.

TRUST.

EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD.

AND BONUS: Maybe the medical marijuana card I’ve been waiting so patiently for, will arrive before treatment?!?

This is a crazy ride y’all and I am learning so many incredible lessons along the way. I figure, if I’m going for a ride, I might as well make it a good one, right?!?!