i came across this poem i wrote for Z back before he turned 10, which was 3/26/23

forever my baby

little footsteps 

i had a nightmare you say

i can’t sleep you say

get your stuffies and come in here dad says

little footsteps 

you climb in to bed

stuffies all in their specific places

you lay down between us

i doze a bit but sleep is merely a dream now

you roll over 

smooshed up against my back

i can feel your warm breath against my neck

i smile

very tired

slightly delirious 

i think about how i birthed you

or as you say i gave you birth

almost 10 years ago now 

i am overwhelmed with a feeling

i don’t know what it is but it feels good

i just want to roll over wrap my arms around you and squeeze you so tightly 

so much love for you 

runs through my body

you shake a bit

mutter words

another dream perhaps

you wiggle around, roll to the other side 

back to back

our bodies lay

you’ve left me only a smidge of space on the bed

i could be annoyed right now

because i’m not getting sleep

that’s how this story has gone in the past

but today

while it’s long before sunrise 

i don’t mind

i welcome it

even as you move

pushing your back harder into mine

i can’t help but smile

you

my baby

almost a decade

how is that possible

when i can so clearly remember

the baby days, the preschool years

you

my baby