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Hair today, Gone tomorrow

Written by Amy Banocy

April 11, 2021

You know that feeling when something you have to tackle seems so big and scary? When you almost can’t imagine doing it. And then you do. And then, this amazing thing happens, now that you’ve done the big scary thing, other things don’t seem so daunting. 

When my hair began falling out and I chose to cut it, the shortest BY FAR, that it had ever been, it seemed so huge. It was huge! It was emotional, crazy emotional. Seeing those long ponytails being chopped off my head, WHOA! Hearing the razor move across my head! I mean, come on!

But then, it was done. I had done it. And I embraced it. I realized that I may never have had a short cut like that was it not for this cancer journey I’m on. 

Despite loving the new cut, I quickly realized it was just as annoying and gross to shed/lose short hairs as long ones, so I made the decision to shave it off. 

After seeing another warrior sister Jessica, do her head shaving live on facebook, and feeling like I was there with her, I knew that was how I wanted to do it too. My community has been so incredibly supportive throughout this journey and I wanted you all right by my side for this next step. 

Strange to some, but shaving my head didn’t seem like that big of a deal at this point. Perhaps it’s like I said, that since I had already conquered the big, daunting challenge the week prior or maybe because I knew it was only a matter of time and was prepared, whatever the reason, it seemed like more of a formality to me. It was simply the next step. I think I also had already emotionally detached from my hair at this point. When I was first diagnosed, I dreaded this moment because I knew it made me “look” like a cancer patient. I was afraid of what that would mean, because then my cancer was visible to others. But, as this journey has gone on, I’ve tired to embrace it and as one wise friend told me, “You’re not going to look like a cancer patient. You’re going to look like a badass!”

So at 4pm on Friday, April 9th, surrounded in person and virtually, by the most amazing support system ever, Derek took the razor to my head. I couldn’t believe how dark the hair was! I guess it’s been a long, long time since I’ve seen my real hair color!! 

It was everything I could’ve imagined (should you ever have to imagine doing this) and more. I was so uplifted by everyone who was on live. I truly felt like everyone was right there with me, showering me with love through this next step. 

I believe each challenge we face is there to prepare us for the next and this was yet another example of that. It makes me wonder why we fret over things so much and have fear around certain obstacles. Perhaps when faced with a challenging situation, if we could shift our perspective, to see that it is there in preparation for something else, it would become smaller or less scary? What do you think? 

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