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Not for naught

Written by Amy Banocy

August 4, 2022

Yesterday marked one year since my final full chemo (TCHP) treatment. As you may recall, that day did not go well. As I reflected yesterday, I actually chuckled at this memory. Not because it was funny to me, but rather, because it was a reminder that as much as we’d like to plan how things will turn out, in the end, we do not have control over everything.

I am in the process of revamping my complete manuscript of over 35,000 words, from a guide book for women with breast cancer to a memoir, I’ve been putting in a lot of time, energy and thought into writing. I’ve realized it’s taking a lot more energy to write this version and share my truths, as it requires going way deep into the emotions I’ve experienced as opposed to a recount of events and suggestions for other women going through the same.

Like most authors, I want my work to make a positive impact on the lives of others. I’m pouring myself, my heart and my soul into this work and I do not want it to be for naught. I want to get it right this time. I do not want to revamp again.

And then I think back to the past 9 months or so I spent writing what I thought would be “Baring it All” and realize that those 35,000 words were meant to happen, even though they will not end up as the final book in the same way.

I now know I had to get those words out of my head in order to access the deeper me and the deeper parts of this story. I could choose to look at the time, energy and work as a waste, but that seems almost silly. While I thought I was controlling how this book was coming to life, I am reminded again, that much like life itself, it is a process. It is about following our intuition, our heart, those little clues the Universe is leaving for us. It is about choosing paths that feel right, in that moment, even if (and when) they end up shifting later.

What in your life are you trying to control to fiercely? Where could you benefit from letting go? What is a recent situation in your life where you’ve had to chuckle when reminded that you in fact do not have complete control?

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